my mouth tastes like poor choices
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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