So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
How external is "for external use only"?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
