Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
