go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Everclear isn't food dammit
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
