Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
