I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize