i wish there were pregnant emoticons
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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