there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
