my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
that may or may not have been my penis.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
