you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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