I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
