I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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