you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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