Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
