After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
