I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
