people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
