I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
