im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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