I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
