4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
