just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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