We need to rekindle our bromance
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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