If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
