Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
