I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
