There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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