Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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