I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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