wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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