He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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