I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
