Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
