Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
