Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We have started to decorate penises.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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