Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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