Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
