I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
