oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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