My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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