Christians are straight up FREAKS
i permit you to call me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
