I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I need to align my fucking chakras
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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