I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
