i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Are we still banned from the library?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
