how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
