OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
