Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
