my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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