I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
