yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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