after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
