She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am naked and annoyed.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
