But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
