I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She even gives head with a lisp.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
