Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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