I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
