What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
