She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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