this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize