you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
