Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
