Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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