it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
