it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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