You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize