So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
