I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
