he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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