i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
