I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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