I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
