he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
