Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize