I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
