Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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