I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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