You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
