She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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