I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
