I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
