Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
