This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
