? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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