I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
