her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
