Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
