Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
