he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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