He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
