If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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