We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
