its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
