cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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