just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
