So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize