it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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