I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
