I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Girls should come with a carfax report
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
