I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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