I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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