If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
