I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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