Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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