Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
