Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
